So here it is, my last week of maternity leave. Where did that year go? Someone once told me that when you have children, the days are long but the years are short – but I’ve found these past few months, weeks, hours have sped by at whiplash speed. Too fast.
Officially, Mat Leave Life ends in T-minus seven days. Unofficially, I’m ready to get back to a little desk work. I think…?
If you’d asked me at the dawn of summer, talk of nursery fees, long commutes and working 9–5 would have reduced me to a teenager-esque ‘BUT I DON’T WANT TO’ meltdown.
The thought of spending even an hour away from my little sidekick churns up all The Mum Guilt. But I’m realising that I need to devote time to my own identity as much as Teddy needs to explore his, away from me (although even typing this chips a little off my heart).
I don’t subscribe to the terms ‘working’ and ‘stay at home’ mum. All mums are ‘working’ – it’s a tough gig however you categorise it, and the choice to rejoin the rat race often isn’t a choice at all but a necessity dictated by finances.
I’m lucky that the nature of my work means I can, to an extent, be choosy about what and how many hours I work. Initially, I'm limiting myself to three long days a week. Teddy will go to nursery for two of them, then have some quality time with either his grandparents (now much closer thanks to a recent, some might say savvy, relocation) or Mr R if my work day falls on a weekend.
It’s an experiment – if we both hate it, we’ll do our best to find an alternative solution. But for now I’m trying to stay positive, open-minded... forcing down that lump in my throat each time I check off another day on the calendar in the countdown to D-day.
If your maternity leave clock is ticking, too, let me in on how you’re preparing for the big shift. For now, here are a few nuggets of advice I’ve found are helping to soften the transition from Mum Time to Me Time...
BABY STEPS
Going from being together 24–7 to suddenly apart for hours, even days, on end is too traumatic even to contemplate. So, a couple of months before you are due to return to work, book in a few play dates/days with a grandparent so you can get used to leaving them in someone else’s capable hands.
Until recently, Teddy had always been with Mr R or me. We hadn’t ever left him with anyone, largely because our babysitters lived some 200 miles north, but also because I hadn’t really wanted to be away from him.
I knew I needed to address my separation anxiety before it rubbed off on Teddy, so I started to say yes to a few invitations to afternoons out and even a couple of overnight stays, calling on the grandparents to take the reins for 24 hours. The first time I left him was emotional. Meal times, bath time, bed... they’ve all become major signposts in my day, and missing even one of them sets me off-kilter. But, Teddy was of course having a whale of a time and it was actually rather lovely to have a nappy-free day filled with uninterrupted adult conversation. And it’s true what they say – absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I practically sprinted across London to get home to him.
CHOOSING CHILDCARE
Leaving your child with a familiar face is one thing, leaving them in the hands of a relative stranger is an entirely different ball game. I’m talking nurseries. The advice I received at the beginning of our search was sound – treat it like a house hunt, shop around and you’ll know when you’ve found the right one for you. When Teddy and I went to view the nursery he is now registered at, he wriggled out of my arms and made a beeline for the toy box, then stayed there playing happily with the nursery nurse while I looked around. I took this to be a good sign.
If you’re just starting out on your childcare search, know that what’s right for one child won’t necessarily be a good fit for another – just because Teddy and I like this particular nursery doesn’t mean everyone will. Likewise, an Outstanding OFSTED report is no indicator that your little one will be happy there. Ask for a couple of settling in sessions if they aren’t offered to you, so you can see how things are run and how your child reacts to their new surroundings. As is often the best measure in parenthood, it’s best to go with your gut on this one.
FLEXIBLE HOURS
You’re entitled to request them. If returning to your pre-baby working hours isn’t a viable option for you, you can speak to your employer about making changes – for example, reducing hours, compressing them, proposing a job share... There are many options, but whether your employer accepts your proposal remains at their discretion. You can find out more about how to make a request here.
REMEMBER WHY YOU LOVE IT
Do what you love and love what you do. I always said that if I did go back to work at the end of my maternity leave it would be to do something I enjoy, something that challenges me and something I hope, one day, will make Teddy proud. I’m not about to give up precious hours with my son to half-arse a job. So as your back to work day approaches, remind yourself of the best aspects of your working day – your colleagues, what you hope to achieve, the prospect of drinking a cuppa while it’s still hot...
LIVE FOR THE GOOD TIMES
The working week will not consume all the time you have available to spend as a family. Nor will it mean that you are a part-time mother, or that you love your child any less fiercely (a mantra I'm repeating daily). You are, first and foremost, a mum. That will forever be your primary role. And there’s magic to be found in each day, regardless of how much time you have together. Quality, not quantity. Make it count, and look forward to those longer days. But if it all feels too much, too different... remember that nothing is forever and you most definitely are not alone. I have my tissues at the ready should you need someone to sob with.
Good luck
x
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